I should spare you the details but in the spirit of "keeping it real", I won't...

Ok, let me first say, there are no pictures for this post.

Trust me, you'll thank me later.

Why no pics, you ask?

Well, a couple of reasons.

First the images are forever seared into my brain and there was just no need for pictures.
Secondly, for the sake of rescuing my child, there was no time to grab the camera for "posterity's sake".

So, if you are brave enough and still want to know what on earth I am talking about, read on. If you think you've already heard enough, I understand if you leave now.

here goes....

This afternoon I heard one of the Monkey's wake up from his nap around the usual time. For his privacy, which Monkey will remain nameless for this story.

Anyway, right after he woke up so did Daisy, in a fit no less. She is teething and it's just not her cup of tea. So, I had to comfort her before I could go and get the boys up. While I was doing that Puddin also woke up and needed a little snuggle time. All of the kiddos nap at the same time, which is GREAT! But- that also means they tend to wake up all around the same time too.
Usually, it's not a problem. Having siblings means you learn to be patient. In the grand scheme of things, the wait time for the Monkey's today was really nothing...it took me about 20 minutes before I could get up to their room.

A lot can happen in 20 minutes.

A familiar smell greeted me as I entered the room. It's pretty typical to happen at nap time and is just something I have gotten used to, as much as a person can get used to that.

As I approached my sweet Monkey (both boys were now awake and wanting out of their cribs) I noticed something in his bed.... on his hands.... and face..... and hair....

Something that should not be there...

Yes, I'm am sorry to say, can't believe it myself...
it was
pooh.

My initial reaction????

AAAAAGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes, I screamed.

Then I quickly yanked him out of the bed by his armpits.... the only clean spot it seemed and whisked him straight to the tub.
Then I realized he still had on his shirt so I yanked that off of him as well and started scrubbing as best as I could.

If I could have gotten my hands on bar of lye soap and a bristle brush I would have!!!!

Ya'll, this was just plain B.A.D.
Once again, it reinforces my belief that boys are just so, soooooooooo different from girls!!!!

The whole time I was scrubbing the poor baby all I could say was , "No, no, no, no!!!! We don't ever, ever touch pooh!!! No, no, no, no!!!!!"
My poor baby's reply???? " Why, Momma?"

SERIOUSLY???!!!!!!

So after the initial cleansing phase I realized he was now basically sitting in toilet water. YUCK!!!!
Quick pause for Mommy to quickly freak out, again! (Just so ya'll know- he seemed quite stunned by my reaction. And in his defense, I really don't think any of my children have ever seen me react to anything in quite that way!)

After I rinsed the, um, toilet water out and quickly rinsed the tub, I ran another bath and yep, you guessed it- scrubbed him AGAIN! Then I remembered his poor brother, in his bed, undoubtedly wearing his own poopie diaper, patiently still waiting for his mommy who was in the process of having a mini melt down as she scrubbed the skin off his twin!

So I drained that water, ran a new batch of water, ran to get the other Monkey, who thankfully was still wearing his poopie! After I cleaned him off I stuck him in the tub with the stinky Monkey and more clean water.

All the while Bud and Daisy are awake and past their feeding time. That means crying. Bless Puddin's heart, she was trying to help! I kept hollering down to her, "Sing to them!", "Give them their mi-mi's!" And she did. She drew them pictures, danced for them, told them stories and just flat entertained them until mommy came back from the edge of insanity!!! She is no doubt, the greatest big sister, EVER!!!

After the Monkeys were both in the water I realized I still had a mess to deal with. So, yes, I left them in the tub. Alone. I KNOW that is a huge no-no and one I have rarely ever done. But, they were a little freaked by my behavior so I didn't think things would get too crazy, and I only had a couple of inches in the water. Plus, that mess wasn't going anywhere until I took care of it.
So I headed back to their room. YUCK! YUCK! YUCK!!!! I had to strip the entire bed and if I had had a sandblaster on hand I would have used it on that bed. To say I was "grossed out" is the understatement of the year!

Once the bed was stripped I went back to bathe the boys again. yes, that was the 3rd of 4th scrubbing for the stinky Monkey.
And this is where I lost it...bad...and literally.
I realized he still had some on his ear. YUCK!!!
I got that off and as I did, my sweet, sweet child that I gave birth too, nuzzled, sang too, prayed over, covered in kisses, and overall adored, leaned over and burped.

And I threw up.

Let me say there was never any evidence that he ingested the pooh, but just the thought of it was simply more than I could take.

So there you go. Keeping it real for the whole world to read. Sorry to leave you with that image but don't say I didn't warn you!